Top Ten Activities For the Back of the Bike

Life on the back of the motorcycle is racy; it is fun. After feeling like Marilyn Monroe riding with a lover to a remote Mediterranean cove, it is still just sitting. My head tosses around inside a red cushioned bubble, and my elbows rub against Gortex covered elbow pads as we fly across the Pampa, rumble over the “ripio” (dirt and gravel roads) and speed as fast as we can on those long, well paved and less patrolled stretches of highway. I invented back-of-the-bike activities. Perhaps they resemble something that you might find yourself doing while waiting in traffic, cooking in the kitchen, sitting in a meeting, or even staring at your computer waiting for our website to download?

So here is the best to date. If you have any more suggestions to keep me going, I would be interested ….

1. Backseat driving

Not quite like telling the driver what to do. Riding on the back is a bit like playing a Virtual Reality motorcycle game. I can stare at the dashboard, simulate the movements, make decisions. Scoring is based on movement-to-movement match-up. We reach a split in the road. I lean left. Enric leans to the right. Hey where are we going? Does Enric know where he is going? I was sure we were supposed to go left.

2. Mile Counting

Read the odometer. Convert miles to kilometers, compare the distance covered with the distance remaining, and convert the ratio back to miles. Time required - less than one kilometer. This is a dangerous activity. While playing this game, time seems to slow down.

3. Wave at Passing Cars, People, Cops

Waving is fun – especially at high speeds. My arm gets caught up in the wind and starts flailing around like a windsock. I wonder what the truck drivers think.

Waving at bicycles is especially fun. We find them resting with water bottles on the side of the road. Motor meets pedal. They wave at us with gusto and shine huge grins despite that the 80 km wind gusts want to twist their bodies into balls and send them fluttering away. We are at least 200 km from the nearest town, and they are living their dream, pushing their pedals into the wall of wind to and from Tierra del Fuego.

4. Fall Asleep

On a warm sunny day, after lunch, or when the green hills don’t change for a long time, I feel slow, lazy. THUMP. I am jerking my big heavy red head off of Enric’s back. With such a heavy head, falling asleep is always immediately followed by “Waking Up”.

5. Check the color of my nose in the rearview mirror

Beneath helmet and sunglasses, the only sign of real life is my nose. My nose is a good thermometer. Red means cold or windy, freckles means sun and warm, runny means rain, or that something is making me sneeze.

6. Back of the Bike Exercises (See the fitness guide below).

This helps pass time and prevents the “Frozen Position”. I have gotten stuck in the same position for hours without thinking about it. When finally we come to a stop and I have to get off the bike, my leg won’t move. Enric looks at me, Why don’t you get off the bike? He looks at my leg. My leg stares back as if to say, “You expect that after spending 2 hours in this position, that I am going to move?”

7. Plan the Future

This is a trap. As rolling hills and flat plans zip through the helmet visor, something greater permits my mind to invent the future. And just when I think I have it figured out, I receive the telltale reminder – “It’s not going to happen this way.” This happens every time.

8. Meditate

I have experienced all of the phases of Zen: Before Zen, mountains are mountains, trees are trees – During Zen, mountains are the thrones of the spirits and trees are the voices of wisdom – After Zen, mountains are mountains and trees are trees. The Argentine Pampa is still as flat and as yellow as it was before, and how many miles did we cover while I was reaching enlightenment?

9. Try and Take Pictures

At 70 mph I open my camera and prepare a shot. There are shots that can be taken at high velocity (bike speed), shots we slow down for, and shots that require a U-turn, and potentially, helmet removal. Without the helmet, I would be like Paparazzi, sailing in the breeze with the lens glued to my eye. I would be in National Geographic. With a helmet these shots are for my eyes only. I have thousands of them. If it weren’t for the helmet…

9. Hug my driver

This is better than backseat driving. Actually leads to silent but profound discussion. The helmets do bang when sitting too close.

10. Lose myself in the flora, fauna, facades and fantasies

Hours and hours can be passed this way. All wonderfully spent with only one risk – no movement leads to “The Frozen Position”, so occasional looking around in all directions is advised.

11. Compose my dream novel, most ribald litany of prose, and most sonorous poems.

And then forget them all as the hand comes in contact with pen and paper. A pretty typical experience for someone on the back of the bike (or driving the bike, or riding in a car, or washing dishes, or ….)

Back of the Bike Exercises

Note: Some of these exercises should only be engaged in while traveling country roads where there is not too much traffic. Enric made me aware a few days ago, as we drove into Buenos Aires, that perhaps doing the “Fly” (See Below), might send confusing signals to the drivers in the opposite direction.

Some exercises are denoted as Velocity Dependant. These work best when the motorcycle is moving at higher speed. This creates greater wind resistance and is like adding plates to the “weights” you are lifting.

Assumption: All exercises are accomplished in the sitting position.

1. Leg lifts (For those Abs): Grab onto the handles of the side panniers (just at my side) for support. Lift legs simultaneously off the seat, knees remain bent. Count to 20. Relax. Repeat.
2. The Fly (For the Pectorals – Velocity dependant): Make the motion with you arms as if you are on a Pectoral Fly machine in a gymnasium. Arms out to the side, bend elbows upwards, palms face forwards. Bring forearms towards each other as if you are compressing weights (you are compressing wind). Try not to interfere with the driver’s vision.
3. Arm raises (Velocity dependant): Arms out to side. Bend elbows upward to contract bicep. Work against the wind. This exercise may be performed with straight arms as well.
4. Side Punches (like Kick-boxing or Tae Bo): Imagine a small punching bag to your left. Bend arms at elbows and begin making rapid punches and jabs to the side. Keep the focus on the imaginary punching bag. Be aware of the position of the driver so that you do not send a punch mistakenly in that direction.
5. Shoulder Circles: Lift shoulders, roll them to the back slowly, and roll them down, forward. Repeat. Reverse direction.
6. Arm Circles: Stick arms out straight. Make circles forward, backwards. Increase their size. Repeat.
7. Neck Stretches: Lean head to the left. Lean to the right. Do not lean backwards (bad for the neck), or forwards (bad for the driver).